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Wednesday, December 30, 2009
{ 11:50 PM on '' }

The year is gonna end soon.

Tmr is 31st dec. It's way too fast for me to take. Overwhelming.
I think I just lost myself, and fell.
No idea.

Hmm, well, i really hope next year will be a much better year for me, for all...
What will I take and leave behind this 2009?
It's been so much, so long, painful, yet fast...

I'm nineteen, and quite useless actually haha....
Really, age doesn't matter, at all.
I always think, feel, all in the head, it sucks totally.
Hope, everyone needs it.


What will 2010 bring me?
Or rather, what will I make out of 2010?

I hope i'll be more sincere, more honest and true to myself and others, more bold, more thoughtful, more empathetic, more human basically...

Oh well, I've been a lost kid year after year, uh...okay.. im so so emo i just hate it..
I'm quite a joyous person... right?

To all, Happy new year, happy 2010, and yeah, you better be happy, cause it's happiness and joy and overshadows all sorrow and failures.

Where is your joy?

Goodbye 2009, in one days' time. . . . .

Monday, November 23, 2009
{ 11:43 PM on '' }


I have a bio paper on wed, and im totally uninterested and bored with not being able to understand what on earth it's saying.
I feel dreadful.
I've no idea why i have the tendency to just not care about this exam and enjoy myself with tv and computer.... when i know i'm so so so so dead for my exams.
What's wrong with me?
Trying to prove how bad I can be ah

Desperate at the wrong time wrong thing, maybe that's me...
I wonder what I am made of.
You know these few days I'm like in search of who I really am, what things around me really mean, and what I am doing with my life. ( Ok it's just in my head, i don't consiously carfully think about it actually)
So ya.

I'm like unfaithful Israel.

I must continue to sing, even if I don't think I can, right?
To sing praises cause of Him, not my circumstance, but what have I become now huh.

I need to be optimistic and sure of myself again!....


Thursday, November 12, 2009
{ 11:57 PM on '' }


Cheryl's here. Bah.

I am suppose to be studying but hey im distracted like MAD. MAD. Ugh, Hey i see you know other people having such fulfilled lives in uni and I look at mine... i go like.. eewww why am i like that in comparison!
TSKTSK. You know i always live in my past, seriously, i don't wanna be some old lady right now who always thinks she is whoever she is IN THE PAST. It's annoying... totally DeLuSiOns.

Sighh.. Life is getting wayyy out of hand. Yes, i've been deluded for this whole time... im crazyyy..!!! AAAHHHHHH!!!!!!


Sigh, Life has so much to offer. Life is so much more than this! There must be more than this!

I look at myself now, i feel ashamed,disappointed, and regretful some sort. You know?
Im still here, still here, stagnant, moving backwards, losing grip, falling.......and falling.

I wonder when will i truly learn....
I think God is running out of patience with me....
And I'm really scared..
I don't know what to do man.
Where is the road to take,
where is the path to go,
where is the boldness that I need
where is the love that once held me tight
what have I done?

Wednesday, November 11, 2009
{ 6:30 PM on '' }

Now I'm really tasting the fruits of my 'labour' . Great. I'm now feeling really really fat. It's disgusting you know
That extra layer of skin on my face and arms and legs, eewwww!!

Ugh, but i still can't help eating!Crap. Help.
Anw, i really don't want to stay in hall anymore. I am getting sick of it day by day. I can't wait to get out!
This is the last week of school anw. And exams are here. Sigh. This is so sickening. I feel so so so fat. And buffet again? Oh my... NOOOOO.

Oh well, exams are next week, im still the same old me. I still ain't panicking and not studying as hard as I should.
Sigh. What is this man. Im always waiting for som season in my life to pass by fast, and at the end of the day, I don't know what I'm living for. Really. Like now, uni is soooo -.- You really feel like a loner man. It stinks. But oh well, I need to study. Boohoo so yeah. I don't wanna stay in hall!

PUSH ME PUSH ME!!!!!!!!!!!

Im soooo scared for bio cause I'm so dead for it.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009
{ 11:45 AM on '' }


Sigh, i want my friends back boo..
Oh well. Im in a struggle, everyday.
I need to strengthen truth. I don't want life to be like this.
What is stopping me? I'll move, i'll move, and find my place right now this season.

Anw, iw as browsing through my photos, and i found such joy looking at everyone smiling and posing. It's so nice. It's really sweet. It's really true that a smile can bring someone joy. Really.
Thanks pple, for being there in my life, always smiling and bring true :)

I thank God.
For everything,
For now.
He has not left me.

I'm slowly getting there.
With His help.
Sigh. I hope everything falls into place, fast.

School later. Cheers.

Friday, October 30, 2009
{ 12:19 AM on '' }


I've no idea what am I doing. I get distracted so easily. My goodness la. Sigh.
Im considering whether to S/U my Bio elective. Really. I'm totally clueless about it.
Was it my fault of selecting it in the first place?
Where did the error occur?
The beginning? Or after the beginning?

So now, the 1st sem will be almost over. it's frightening. Really. Time flies by really fast. Like just now when i was online it was like 7.15. Then a few moments later the it showed 8.15. I was like ERRR OKAY. And then later 9.15.. and 10.15. What on earth~~~

Oh my it's scary. I want friday to come. I always look forward to weekends. But i dread it too because it means things that i do not look forward are nearing. Sigh. Like MONDAY. And EXAMS. And finally the end of the year. I just don't want dec to come too fast because i haven't got enough of 2009 yet.
I've not done enough
I've not gave enough
I've not lived enough

Get it?
Bah. Time flies. And im full of questions, full of thoughts in my mind.... What happened to my life? What has happened?

Sigh. 2009. COME BACK!!!!!! Bah.

Okay. anw tmr is FRIDAY YAYYYY. Freedom. But i've got stuff to do over the weekend so yeah, BOO.

And pple, uni is not for the faint hearted. Man. It's no joke, really no joke. Oh well, i've just gotta be thankful im in Psychology. It's not a bit near the shiong courses like engineering and bio. Really. Thankfully. But it'll come soon i guess. Bah.

For now, im just finding my place in this uni, or should i say, finding my place in life. Bah.

Peace out.
AND ANW I MISS MY JC CLASSMATES! 0713 come to meee!!!!!!!! Hahahhaha....

Wednesday, October 28, 2009
{ 1:02 AM on '' }

Finally Im blogging

I'm really sian right now man
My eyesight is getting worst, how depressing.
And i didn't study today
Double depressing!
can't stand myself.
I feel so empty. Why ah why ah why ah why ah!
Not much meaningful stuff i can post man. Oh well.

Anw, i need smth. I need smth. I don't know what it is.
I need to get out of hall?
I need to move around?

I feel like a ballooon. Oh well.

I don't like school. I really don't. I don't like studying too.
You know, i wanna be certain of myself. I wanna be sure of my position in life.
I'm lost. Lost sheep. Mehh....

Anw, i've found out this year lots about myself, the bad side, the once thought to be good side, sigh. I'm full of flaws man. Pathetic. I also found someone whom i can really really be mad at, who gets me on my nerves and i feel like exploding. (Besides my granny muahahahha ok no im kinda alright w her i guess?)


AM i living in a lie? Living in a forbidden zone? Sigh. God knows.
What can I offer?
I've failed AGAIN.

What can I offer?
How can I offer?
I have nothing left.
Nothing good left.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009
{ 11:27 AM on '' }

I've been just browsing through facebook blahblah... how meaningless i feel it is sometimes. Bah, it's 1130 alr. What should i do?
Hmm sometimes being in hall can be soo boring. You're all by your own, taking charge of your future man. I should be studying and all right? Blah. Ok i just ate a lot as usual. And it hink in just 4 days i've gained weight. What is this man.

Sigh, just as face-booking can be utterly meaningless, it makes me think, and covet. TSK. So terrible right. Like u ask hey y can;t my life by like that, why can't people in my life be like that.. clearly a picture paints a thousand words. Hmm..
I want a camera. What do you call it? Polaroid camera? Ok however u call it, yeah
And exams are less than a month away.
How awful can this get

And i strive to lose weight, but i'm always getting back to square one sia.
Okay pursuing 'worldly' things are getting more meaningless man. Seriously, I need a life.

Lalallaaa going to prepare for school soon. Man, im alr starting to feel that life IS mundane. School IS mundane. Hall IS mundane. But it's all in the mind. Is it?

Okay gtg now. I need directions. Yelp.

Monday, October 12, 2009
{ 10:57 PM on '' }

okay i hate it when my feet cramps up. I have no idea is that called.

Sigh, y'know, I feel really lost as a human on this earth. Lost and helpless and controlled.
Sin really draws us away from God. It is a hard fact. Although now I see things quite blurry, I know it'll be crystal clear when everything comes to pass...

I don't know how to describe my emotions. Like, when I say I'm amazed, or sad, am i really feeling it, or am I saying it because i'm supposed to feel this way or else i'm heartless or emotionless or cold blahblah.. yeah..

But I say again, it's blurry now.

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
and I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship.

God is real pple. He is.
But I sometimes treat it as though He is not. Sigh.

Words spoken are only believable when it reflects yourself.


Tuesday, October 06, 2009
{ 11:12 AM on '' }

I'm gonna have a test later.
Like oh my goodness

I really want to know my stuff well.
Anw i was having this pain in my stomach for the past two days.. now it's almost recovering! Yay thank God! I hope it doesn't come back again. Booo.

How can i acknowledge the truth, acknowledge the power of God without feeling right?

How to I get back?

Bah, anw, i'm gonna school now! And back to my lovely hall. Right, lovely.
Seeee yaaa. Im always looking forward to the weekends, no wonder time flies la.

Friday, September 25, 2009
{ 5:42 PM on '' }

Hello World.

I really am cold hearted. Spit-ted out.

You know it's so cool how you thik pple are but they're not? Like i always think pple are like me and all, yeah i truely live in my turtle shell. Bah. Seriously, I am totally a diffferent person with different values now(uncounsciously). That's how i feel la. Oh well, Im getting nowhere in life now. Goig backwords to that bottomless pit.

you know how i want to go back to the times where I always talked about God in my posts? The innocence and the puritym really, youth is awesome, don't let anyone take it away from you... Ba.h. Life goes on, i Wonder what I'm living for NOW. Like really.
School is driving my nuts.
You now we all have a deeper and darker side to us, right? Or do we not? or maybe just a hidden side only God knows.

I know He knows what my thoughts and feelings are, but i can't seem to feel Him anymore.

It's me, yes., it's me.

Saturday, September 12, 2009
{ 6:23 PM on '' }

I'm starting to feel really uncomfortable with where I am at life now.
So many things smacking right at my face. I really feel sick and tired of everything
Im back to my JC days again.
I don't see the importance of effort, i get stressed like crap ever so easily, anI just let go of things like that.
Sigh, i hate what life has to offer now.
I hate the decisions i made.
I am clueless bout how I'm feeling right now.
I've had enough of saying that i should buck up.
i've had enough of crappy lifestyle
I've had enough of saying things I don't do.
I've had enough of saying enough, cause it's never enough.

I detest my world now.

Saturday, September 05, 2009
{ 2:54 PM on '' }

Hello world

I'm cold. Really cold.

Sigh. I live in darkness, in shame.
No one knows what's gonna happen
No one sees
No one hears
No one understands.

I've turned cold, that's the end.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009
{ 11:23 PM on '' }

I've become a lil angsty and a lil irritated these few days. The menses? Whatever.

Whatever you know, i'll just let it out.
Hello, what on earth is happening to the world? Can guys and girl really be best friends? My foot pls. It's driving my nuts ok. Everytime stupid freaking things that shouldn't happen happen and some pple just take it as that, that it is NORMAL. Like, ya it's normal. My foot.

It's so annoying. Whatever you're doing is to please and to not hurt blahblah. I've no idea what im talking about but ya, just going on. Ugh. I can't stand it.. Just come between it anw, it's like, ya, your wish right? Ya i don't mind, really. You can fly and be free for all you want and ya. What's the point of everybody getting hurt and feeling accused and feeling that justice is not done to them blahblah... ugh. It's getting ugly around here man..

Just go do whatever pleases you. Really. i have no idea what you're trying to do.. ok maybe i do but ya, it's annoying and -.-. Besties over my dead body. Really. This is sooo annoying and disgusting. Im turning into an ugly monster. Ugh. I just can't stand it anymore. To prevent myself from even feeling this way, i better avoid all these at all cost.

Ha, really, do we really think that we no need anyone to solve our silly hurts and problems? We act as if nth happened, knowing jolly well what you actually want to do la. Really, i back out la. Ya you must be like, yay your plan succeeded without you really doing much.Whatever, whatever you are doing, please stop. It's hurting me and ya you don't even know it la cause you're hurt too.

Personal Messages. Ugh.
What an eyesore really.
Silently secretly having a friendship. Goodness what in the world. I am disgusted.
Is it me being very un-understanding or what?
I can't figure out!
And im toloerating all this crap.
What the heck right.

Your wish is granted.Ya go go go go go

You know actually, I've simmering down even before writing this post. Oh well. I still need to let out whatever is hindering me, but i can't do that entirely. Oh well.
Just shut up and get a life.

Ok i sound so mean. Kill me. Ok,. It's like a struggle between human nature and the other side. Ugh. Okay, im outta here. Ha, go be whatever you guys want to be called. cheese.

And you stilll wanna give in and be nice and whatever.
Soft spot aint it? Go on.

Sunday, August 30, 2009
{ 12:19 AM on '' }


A smile is always a good way to start everything! :))) ahahh okay..
Support and advice are always given through people.
Relationships are so important, i almost lost them. Or did I?

Perspectives, thoughts, self-centredness, hatred, guilt.... blahblah the list goes on...

hmm, i wonder what got into me? Whatever. It's been like this alr, for quite some time. Why now?
The right palce to be in at the wrong time?
The wrong place to be in at the wrong time?
The right place to be in at the right time?


I take things wayyy toooo lightly.........
Y'know I always thought of myself to be quite obedient, moderate, sane, and good..
Thoughts fool people sometimes. Oh well.

I've gotta brush up on my writing... bah,
and i really hope Psychology is the right choice. :D
Gotta run now. Suffering from uncomfortable cramps and depressing teeth.


Saturday, August 29, 2009
{ 12:37 AM on '' }

I think I've lost my heart.

Heart to feel, heart to fear, heart to change, heart to love.

What is love?

Wednesday, August 26, 2009
{ 11:43 PM on '' }

HELLO PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goodness, two months of not blogging... miss me?

so this is it, the time we've all been waiting for...

Yes, and this is like the THIRD week of school...fast right?
Sigh, everything sinks in. School life kicks in, disciplinary issues come into the picture, independence, determination, self motivation... goodness.

I've no idea whether things have changed for me... Ya, like my life now, my priorities, my mental state... I feel like a different person...

Sigh, I'm always so -.- with myself... I can't live up to my own standards.. i feel detached from almost everything. Conversations seem like it should be brought up for the sake of it, instant friendship is a must in uni... lasting friends are like... uh i dunno.
Me and the issues of friends..
Still remember struggling with this issue in my sec school days. Totally lame.
But it is very real and relevant for me, even now..

You know, it is true that not only old people stick to their old traditions, we young pple do too! Okay now i feel weird, like suddenly i feel good to be labeled under 'young', cause im getting old soon.. like really. EVERYONE would want to relive their past, their youth, their innocence. ya, Life is short.
And i really feel the world is going to end soon.. I'm like, scared.

You know we're supposed to do this ARE YOU SATISFIED WITH YOUR LIFE test... and ya, it's terrible. My answers were so dark and depressing. OK we were suppose to give a score to a particular statement which reflects on satisfaction of one's life.. and ya.. terrible.

I need to get real. Get a life. Get focussed.

i think i alr killed a hundred of them since i moved into the hall.

Anw im slowly getting used to hall life and all... Yeah..Nice room, nice everything. Just that i gotta make more friends man. And i gotta get focused on uni life. Sigh.

Im 19, when will i grow up. Really.

See ya guys soon. I miss you all! :)

Saturday, June 20, 2009
{ 2:36 PM on '' }

Heal my heart and make it clean
Ópen up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I have for Your kingdom's cause
As i walk from earth into eternity



Is all it takes, to spark anything.

Thursday, June 11, 2009
{ 12:23 AM on '' }

Everything happens for a reason.

Why this?

In the midst of the storm
through the wind and the waves
You'll still be faithful
You'll still be faithful
When the starts refuse to shine
and time is no more
You'll still be faithful
You'll still be faithful O Lord

Are you a test?

Tuesday, June 09, 2009
{ 12:06 AM on '' }


Whoa it's June alr -__________________________-

Time flies la. What on earth have I been doing!

Anw, it's actually very nice and warm to have lunch w my parents.. Yay... Shall do that more often. Like the things they talk and the way they react is so amusing. Haha...

Lalalala Hmm I've been like.. let me see jobless and loving it!
Yeah. Tmr i've gotta hunt for paper products!
Hmmm.. And ya know, my priorities have to be right ! YES!

Man, quarrels quarrels, heartbreak, emotions hangover, yadayada.. It's so tiring i tell you.. Goodness.

Communication is sooo important. People are also important. Like ya how you're to be accountable for your actions and all. How they are suppose to put you back on track. How they are to show encouragement and support:)

Lalalala , i want to be changed. Hmmm, this week would be a happy week for me AMEN!Yay...
Church camp next week.. Super fast man. SUPER. Pray that it'll be all goood and refreshing!
I better be serious and all.

Anw, i find it really really amazing when someone can look to a person and say 'This person is a man of substance. ' Ain't it awesome?!?! Like people can see what you are made of and come to a conclusion that hey, you're someone that I repect, that I honour... That's what makes people moved. That's what make people want to become... to follow after. . Yup. It really felt like a moment of awe kinda thing. That your actions and lifestyle can prove what you're made of. And when people can say that you're a man of substance, it really feels good cause people are blessed by you!

Yeah. Awesome.

No idea why am I so in awe.. but yeah.
I want to be a woman of substance!


Okay man, this thurs would be driving again! Ugh $42. Sigh, all the $$$ gone!!
I wanna shoppp toooo!!!

Yes yes yes yes yes yes money money money byee byeeeee :(


Loves freedom but doesn't treasure it
Basically still a kid crying for momma


To be accepted
To belong
To be embraced